Oh, it’s YOU again
…’you’ being “Embarrassment”…I haven’t seen you in awhile….hmpf…
“Embarrassed” is one of those words that’s difficult for me to define concisely. The meaning can be multilayered. So I’ll explain with a story. A true story that occurred today. A short story [lies...take a quick scroll downward]. Alright, lol, so….
I needed to get a money order or cashier’s check to pay my rent for this month (btw, what’s the difference between the two? *shrugs*). Unfortunately, my bank is about a 15 min drive towards inconvenientville. I’d like Wells Fargo to do better please -_- Expand those branches! Anyhow, responsibly, I took the time to head “across town” to my bank before the mad lunch rush.
The previous night I deposited two checks that cleared me to pay my rent. So, I was real happy about that. Lol. I slept comfortably Back to today —
I arrived at the bank, parked my car in the lot, got out, and started walking toward the bank, following a very skinny black girl with tight jeans and a wild looking pony-tail, who was being followed by a rather flamboyant skinny black guy with equally tight jeans. At first I thought they were an item, but she began walking so far ahead of him and did NOT hold the door for him. So either she was rude, mad at him, or didn’t know him. Well if she was rude, that rude vibe must have left her and leaped on him because I was close enough for him to acknowledge my presence by making sure the door didn’t close on me before I had a chance to follow him through. He didn’t. Smh.
Anywho, I walked into the bank, turned the corner, and my heart danced for joy as I smirked at a glorious site: only two people were in line! And not the two rude tight jeans wearing non-couple duo! (I don’t know where they went). YES! I will be in and out I thought.
As I approached the window, I noticed that while the patrons were few, the bank tellers were plentiful. Too many. Where are they when the bank is overflowing with impatient customers? Mmm hmm. The tellers were standing around “looking busy” behind the bullet proof glass.
When it was my turn to discuss my transaction, my teller was sitting in front of the monitor, while another teller was standing behind her doing—-nothing, while another teller was sitting close by. For a fleeting moment, I was like, “Gosh, will they all be up in my conversation as I ask for this money order?” But oh well, I knew I needed that documentation so I could get out of there and continue living my life.
The teller asked what I needed. I explained I wanted a money order or cashier’s check for the amount of XXX. She said OK and asked me to swipe my debit card, then focused on her monitor to begin the process. My question is, why was the other teller focusing on MY TELLER’S monitor as well? NOSEY!
Anyhow, my teller paused from reading, looked up at me with shifty eyes and said, “let me print out your available balance for you.”
I thought, “I didn’t ask for that!” So why was she offering me that receipt of anxiety? Clearly this wasn’t going to be a pleasant visit after all.
Well, apparently, I had a ‘Current Balance’ versus an ‘Available Balance.’
I looked at the receipt and then looked at her like, “And?” Lol.
She said she couldn’t write the order for my specified amount because it exceeded my available balance. My current balance wouldn’t be available until later in the evening. And it was in THAT brief moment, I felt it—-
For some reason, I felt shame because even though I DID have the money technically, I couldn’t access it. Just a few moments prior I was confident I would receive the money order and be on my way. On top of that, I had to verbalize the reason she gave me, in order to ensure I understood her correctly…all of this while others could hear (‘cuz clearly, EVERYONE in the bank stopped to watch and observe)…including the nosey teller all up in my records on the screen. Then my teller had the annoying nerve to act like she couldn’t hear me through the mega thick glass and needed me to speak loudly. Smh.
So, once she confirmed the unexpected news, I said, “ooooh, ok! Well thanks!” Then I smiled, waved to BOTH tellers (lol), and walked out of the bank. Oh and the second teller? While I was getting the news of rejection, she had a look on her face like, “Mmm, I know he’s mad, but let me act like I’m not paying attention.” -___- RATCHET!
When I got into my car, I thought to myself and then said out loud, “hmmm, oh well, I don’t care what they may think.” Then I pondered, ‘They?’ ‘Why does it matter?’ ‘Why did I feel embarrassed?” I did have the money, but it wasn’t available until my previous transaction was cleared. But for a moment, a BRIEF moment, I had become uncomfortably self-conscious in the presence of others. For that brief moment, I was concerned about what they would think of me.
But suddenly I became at ease as the embarrassing feeling dissipated. Why? Because I reminded myself: I’m OK with me! I know what I have, don’t have, will have, and irregardless of others, I’m thankful and don’t need to feel adequate nor inadequate based on the perceived standards of others. Even when at the bank! Plus, I WILL be back tomorrow demanding my money order. Lol.
So, I drove my non-getting money order/cashier’s check butt right back to my apartment, passed the leasing office without making eye contact, and remained grateful for another day to live and learn.